Empath. This word was not new to me but when I was called an empath the other day by a coworker, it really got me thinking. Up until now, I’ve been learning to accept my introverted ways. The way my extroverted son exhausts me. The way I have a hard time leaving my house or going to social events. Its not that i dislike those things, I love my son more than anything and I do enjoy social events, but they are completely draining for me. Ive made my boyfriend aware of this as well as he is an extrovert. Lucky for me, he’s very loving and understanding. Although i feel there are times when he does forget that a social event we are currently at is drawing my energy out at an alarming rate. That would be the time at that gathering where i would become very quiet and seem unenthused/bored when really im not. At that time Im just sucking in external information and organizing my thoughts and feelings. To me, this is introvertizm. We arent just people who are shut ins and dont know how to socialize, we just get drained from too much social interaction. Thats not what charges our batteries. Alone time does. So upon telling one if my coworkers that although exciting beyond belief, the 2018 KISS Expo in Indianapolis was exhausting, she nonchalantly mumbled in the phrase “you’re an empath.” I thought about that word for the rest of the day at work. Its meaning, how you react to different situations when you are an empath, it all fit. Digging deeper, i realized it wasnt just the fact that Im a Cancer sun sign making me pretend i dont care about things that i actually do care about. It was the empath in me that was keeping me from caring about certain things. Some people have brought current world affairs up to me and dont understand how I just dont care, especially if they effected my life in a way. I really thought this was just because I hated politics but with this epiphany, I learned I didnt care because i care too much. How screwed up is that? I dont care about those things because the last time i cared about things like that, I became an emotional wreck and couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed. The last time i cared, it sent me spiraling into a depression. So I dont care to keep my own sanity in tact. And previously, that was just a good coping mechanism and survival reaction on my part in order to keep myself sane. But now that i know what i am, i can find a better way to control my emotions and use them in a beneficial way. Its painful in an emotional sense being an empath but I look at it as a gift. There was a reason i was blessed with feeling so many emotions, vibes, and auras and i want to use this to my advantage. Feelings are a good thing. They let you know when youre alive. And me personally, emotions are my driving force. So with all the emotions that come with being an empath, i feel like i can move some serious mountains. Not immediately but slowly. The self discovery journey is one that i think never ends because we are always changing. My journey as an empath is just beginning. The next step is learning how to better control it and balance it.
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